I am a perfectionist in recovery. Growing up my motto was always “good, better, best; I will never let it rest, until my good is better and my better is best.” On top of that if I couldn’t do something well, or was even afraid that something wouldn’t turn out well, I would become paralysed. I simply couldn’t move forward and try to accomplish something new until I had made what I considered to be “The Perfect Plan”. I would spend hours, days, weeks, months calculating the best way to accomplish whatever task was set before me. In that process I would try to foresee all the possible outcomes of my actions and then plan how I would handle each of them. If I couldn’t make up my mind, which course of action would lead to the best possible scenario, I would get stuck. I would choose to take no action rather than set out on a path I wasn’t sure would lead to the best.
Sometimes my tasks were easy, like cleaning out a closet. I had a tested method of cleaning and organizing that allowed me quickly and efficiently clean out that small area. In a short amount of time it would be easy to see that I had succeeded in the job. Most of the time the tasks were much harder. Making new friends, for example, simply has too many variables to plan for. I couldn’t see the whole plan before starting and I certainly couldn’t be sure if the venture would end successfully.
That is what brings me here today. For a few years now, I have wanted to have a blog. But as I sat down to make my plan, I simply couldn’t decide how best to start. How should I focus it? What will my plan be? How should I organize it? What will I write? When should I write? How often should I write? What if I run out of things to say? What if I just can’t keep it up after a few weeks? What will happen when I start sharing some of these inner thoughts that maybe I’ve never voiced before? Am I really committed to this?
As a recovering perfectionist, I am trying to stretch myself. This blog will be one evidence to that fact. I don’t really much of a plan and I’m not sure where this will lead. Even as I type this, tears of fear are welling in my eyes. All I know is God has given me story and He wants me to share it to bring Him more glory. So that is what I am setting out to do here. Some blogs will be practical. They will share tips I’ve learned that have helped me in my roles as wife, mother, and home-maker. Some blogs will share my story. Who am I? Where have I been? Where am I going? How do I handle not being able to make the Perfect Plan?