It’s Time to Start

I am a perfectionist in recovery.  Growing up my motto was always “good, better, best; I will never let it rest, until my good is better and my better is best.”  On top of that if I couldn’t do something well, or was even afraid that something wouldn’t turn out well, I would become paralysed.  I simply couldn’t move forward and try to accomplish something new until I had made what I considered to be “The Perfect Plan”.  I would spend hours, days, weeks, months calculating the best way to accomplish whatever task was set before me.  In that process I would try to foresee all the possible outcomes of my actions and then plan how I would handle each of them.  If I couldn’t make up my mind, which course of action would lead to the best possible scenario, I would get stuck.  I would choose to take no action rather than set out on a path I wasn’t sure would lead to the best.

Sometimes my tasks were easy, like cleaning out a closet.  I had a tested method of cleaning and organizing that allowed me quickly and efficiently clean out that small area.  In a short amount of time it would be easy to see that I had succeeded in the job.  Most of the time the tasks were much harder.  Making new friends, for example,  simply has too many variables to plan for.  I couldn’t see the whole plan before starting and I certainly couldn’t be sure if the venture would end successfully.

That is what brings me here today.  For a few years now, I have wanted to have a blog.  But as I sat down to make my plan, I simply couldn’t decide how best to start.  How should I focus it? What will my plan be?  How should I organize it?  What will I write?  When should I write?  How often should I write?  What if I run out of things to say?  What if I just can’t keep it up after a few weeks?  What will happen when I start sharing some of these inner thoughts that maybe I’ve never voiced before?  Am I really committed to this?

As a recovering perfectionist, I am trying to stretch myself.  This blog will be one evidence to that fact.  I don’t really much of a  plan and I’m not sure where this will lead.  Even as I type this, tears of fear are welling in my eyes.  All I know is God has given me story and He wants me to share it to bring Him more glory.  So that is what I am setting out to do here.  Some blogs will be practical.  They will share tips I’ve learned that have helped me in my roles as wife, mother, and home-maker.  Some blogs will share my story.  Who am I?  Where have I been?  Where am I going?  How do I handle not being able to make the Perfect Plan?

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